As thick as two short planks.

This is an idiom. OK. Let it be. This is an idiom which is used here but not there. There are other idioms which are used there and over there.

There is a country, quite far away, but not really very far away, where they used to say: as stupid as a shoe. Often they add: from the left leg. This can be understood easily since the left side is considered more stupid than the right side. Of course by the right-handed and right-legged, who are the majority. For the left-handed and left-legged this is not so very clear since in their opinion the right side is more stupid than the left one. Whatever they say there is a left-right opposition and we can not deny it. So, this is understandable people refer to it. But why a hell a shoe? A shoe, as a part of our clothes, is quite smart. Functional and useful. At least as an idea. We can exclude some fancy shoes which are really idiotic, but shoes are absolutely wiser than many a garment we wear, especially a tie which with no doubt is the most stupid part of human clothes ever invented. Certainly, it had not been wise to replace a paw with a foot, a bare foot which was too delicate and not well adjusted to step on rough ground or icy snow – is it a supposition worth trying? an idea that can lead us to a reasonable explanation of such a rueful position of shoes? But, on the other hand, look at this fantastic variety of shoes and boots! The number of types seems enough, but is it really so? And be aware of a trap! You may think as follow: if a shoe is stupid, than the opposition of a shoe should be wise; what is the opposition of a shoe? a bare foot, surely… If you think so, then think about the enormous number of barefoot fools.

The variety of shoes is really amazing, mind blowing. Is the variety of planks less amazing? If you may think it is, then think about all species of trees, hence different kinds of wood. Think about oak, pine, beech, maple, bamboo, rosewood, spruce, lime, birch, ash, nut, ebony, apple, pear, plum, willow planks, and so many other planks... Yes, you are right, there is no wood as silly as a high heel shoe, but this is not the reason to give up the idea of plank stupidity. Of course, we can ask: why a hell a plank? Is it so because it was not a nice idea to cut a tree down, transform it into planks to build a shelter, instead of sheltering under its vast branches? There are a lot of other things which are thick enough. An iron bar. A stone slab… Before you answer this question, jump across the narrow sea and you will find that you are stupid as a pot. And you will ask: why a hell a pot? A pot is really a clever tool, it’s a great invention of humanity. Why is a pot stupid? Because it helps us to process food while processing food is not wise?… But what a variety of pots we have! Pots and vessels. Kettles, cauldrons, pans, bowls, cups, mugs, jars, bottles, cans, barrels…

So, it looks like you need to start a fascinating journey. Three countries, three languages, three different typologies. Just think of other countries and other languages! And it may be so that only having traveled across all languages you will complete the typology of stupidity.
What a challenge!
What a job!
What an adventure!


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